The Enemy Within

Let me invite you into some Sunday morning rituals & reflections of mine. Our once thriving local Gurdwara packed full of sangat, with its distinct cultural hustle and bustle, a something, something to tantalise every bodily sensation. The strong smells of the maa/mohat di daal and the sabziya wafting from the langar kitchen, the sweet melodies of the vaajah perfectly accompanied by the rhythmic beats of the tabla. The sense of actual bodies present coupled with the conscious spirits of our predecessors, our ancestors sitting close by as they watch over us and remind us of our own, unique set of quiet powers.

There are few times that I feel this level of oneness and of conscious presence as when I am here surrounded by the holy scriptures, vibrating and infiltrating through my soul. Mera mann sukh hai…

And now? 

It has all been replaced, shaped and shifted all under the umbrella of ‘safety’ to something which seems so alien, so unaligned, from my place of sanctuary. 

The building now unrecognisable - supposedly Covid-proof - thick yellow tape, ensuring one-way systems, numerous reminders to wash hands, to social distance and the mandatory mask-wearing, meaning it is only when you look intensely within the eyes of another can you tell whether a smile lurks beneath.

I keep thinking, ‘well, it is what it is’ but the last few months have me considering (more than normal) ‘well, what the hell even is it’? 

I am told that I must be grateful that places of worship are allowed to open and indeed I am full of all the gratitude. But as I reflect on the simplicity of the white sheets laden on the floor, the sitting cross legged, on par with one another I am truly overcome…

Is it because I had never really considered or treasured the beauty of this single moment or is it because, to now, be surrounded by fellow sangat is not only such a rarity, but it is something that we are becoming conditioned to believe is wrong, and something that we should almost be fearful of? 

Most likely, it’s both.

All of a sudden, I feel the intensity of another’s eyes, another’s rules in my own home…I’m not sure I feel the safety that they speak of.

I guess I didn’t realise how much the rigidity of the rules and regulations of the power systems suffocated me, that the need to exhale here on a Sunday were and are the continued steps towards my own healing and liberation. 

In a world which is always asking for more, more, more of us, the ease of such moments surely should not be taken lightly or as added on luxuries? And please, I am not in any way minimising where we are right now, the tragedies, the pain, the collective trauma -but I am saying that these spiritual practices are now even more necessary because of where we are.  

To be given permission to slow down and be enough without trying or doing anything is surely where we top up our vital energy streams. And for me, these energies all come from a sense of connectivity, spiritual practice and guidance, whatever that may look and feel like for you.

I’m wondering how much of the essence of spiritual teachings are lost when, they, themselves have been forced to surrender their autonomy and have been denounced as holding very little value. 

Has spirituality itself been permeated by systems of dominance because of the limited ways in which we ourselves look at human wellbeing? 

And although I am not here to specifically speak about religion or faith, the Government or even the virus and the wrongs and rights of lockdown, I am here to place curiosity within you as to what are we normalising here?

The isolation, the separation, the disconnection, the recolonisation of mindsets & indeed practices?

For me, it surely continues to be about the power dynamics. 

Not only the vital question of who holds power and how they utilise it, but how we as individuals perhaps feel hesitant about the extent of our own powers. 

I would say especially in times of crisis when we feel out of control there is this overarching desire/this need for something or someone external to come and ‘fix’ us, to almost rescue us from the enemy.

But what if part of the enemy resides within us?

Because as many of us think (and talk) about the power of community, how many of us are considering how our own internal wounds restrict our true participation in community. 

I suppose what I’m really asking is, how does our disconnection from ourselves manifest into a subconscious disconnection to others?